Point/counterpoint: Season Showdown
illustration by Alex Martin
THE WEATHER: FOR better or for worse, it dominates our lives. It’s an integral part of small talk amongst strangers, has a permanent place in the news, and helps us answer the timeless question “What should I wear today?” But amidst the extremes of each season, another question emerges: which season is best? The Fulcrum faces off over blossoms and golden leaves, heat waves and snow days, to reveal—once and for all—which three months of the year are the most enjoyable.
Autumn: not too hot, not too cold
I’LL START MY argument with this: in Ottawa, every season sucks—except for autumn. Winters are ridden with bitching about frostbitten fingers and toes, while summers are too sweaty and smelly. And spring, well, apart from the slush that soaks socks and turns floors into semi-permanent slip and slides, brings with it the melting snow mounds of garbage and weeks of anticipation until the grass returns to green.
Autumn, on the other hand, produces not only the most ideal weather—sweater weather—but also picturesque landscapes. If you disagree, take a walk down Embassy Row when the leaves begin to change colour and the combination of sights, smells, and sounds is sure to convince you.
Besides, students should rejoice as gorgeous fall weather and scenery coincides with new student loans and recently refilled lines of credit. What better time to receive fuckloads of money to waste than in the fall when, unlike summer or winter, the chances of collapsing of heat stroke or catching pneumonia on your quest home from the mall or the bar are drastically slim. And don’t forget Halloween, one of the most visually appealing holidays—as girls wearing naughty nurse outfits and sexy, short school-girl skirts prance around the streets and guys strut around in superhero costumes complete with tights to show off their... muscles. Plus, the corresponding candy feasts are socially acceptable and often span over several days!
Autumn excites each and every sense—from the tantalizing smell of burning leaves to the satisfying crunching underfoot as you tread from class to class. It’s time to face the facts, people: autumn is awesome.
—Merissa Mueller
Summer: clothes are minimal
SUMMER IS OBVIOUSLY the best season.
Because we’re in the midst of it, the other three seasons’ proponents just have a serious case of “the grass is greener on the other side.” I hate to break it to you guys, but the grass will never be greener than it is right now.
Besides the wonderful horticultural opportunities that abound, the season of summer offers a plethora—that’s right, a plethora—of other perks.
We’ll start with the obvious: it’s socially acceptable to walk around in little more than your underwear. Bonus: the opposite sex will also be wearing little more than their underwear. Throw in music and theatre festivals and longer days—what more could you want? Maybe a lack of lectures, assignments, and exams? Summer means school is out, so check that off the list. Stress levels go down as mercury levels rise.
Sure, the heat can be unbearable, but the things you can do to avoid it aren’t. During summer you can eat unlimited amounts of ice cream without having to go through a terrible breakup. You can hit up the mall for some AC, your crush won’t say no to an afternoon at the beach, you can see that friend who has a pool, or you can lounge naked in your basement watching Degrassi reruns.
And so I rest my case: summer is no doubt the coolest season in town.
—Ali Schwabe
Winter: wishing for a wonderland
YOU KNOW WHAT I miss right now? Snow.
I love snow. I officially decided this after experiencing that massive heat wave earlier this month. Over a week of temperatures in the 30s had people rushing into air-conditioned buildings or heading to nearby beaches to cool off. This wouldn’t have happened if there was snow. One of the best things about winter is that you can always adjust the amount of clothes you’re wearing when you’re too cold—but in the summer, you can only strip down so far.
Winter also brings about the best activities: surfing down the hills of Camp Fortune on your snowboard, cross-country skiing or snowshoeing in the heart of Gatineau Park, or skating on the world’s largest rink, the Rideau Canal, while eating Beavertails and sipping on hot cocoa. Not to mention activities for the less-athletically inclined: building snowmen, making snow angels in your backyard, shovelling the driveway, and cuddling away the cold with a loved one.
And one last thing, if I haven’t convinced you yet: winter, in all its glory, is a truly Canadian season. It keeps our beer cold and hockey ice crisp. Our ability to endure snow-past-our-knees winters, characterized by that my-face-is-falling-off bitter cold, unites Canadians—and differentiates us from our Southern neighbours. Face it: winter is in our blood!
So please, Mother Nature, bring back snow. Bring back snow cones, snowball fights, snowmobiles, frostbite, hot tubs, and long johns! I can’t take another day of heavy smog, journeys in hot cars, overused deodorant, melting makeup, sunburn blisters, smelly, overcrowded buses, and dirty, long-nailed, callused, toe-jam infested feet...
—Lai Hoang
Spring: the chase is always better than the catch
SPRING IS A three-month period of anticipation: it is a wait for beautiful flowers and the warm summer sun. It represents rebirth and the hope for something more. And when nine times out of 10 anticipation is more enjoyable than the end result—well, by that logic, spring is the best season 90 per cent of the time.
Look at it this way: the desire for bathing-suit-clad members of the opposite sex to fill the streets amidst the heat of summer is far more preferable than that hope being materialized. For every attractive, barely-dressed person you see on the street this summer you’ll see another 26 you would never glance at twice. I’d rather have the dream of Carmen Electra strutting down my block half-nude than the realization that it’s actually Rosie O’Donnell. Similarly, longing for the warmth of the sun is far more enjoyable than the heat wave it will most certainly incite. The summer sun leaves you showing up to job interviews in a soaked white shirt—which only works to your advantage if you‘re a busty female—scaring away people with your body odour, and collapsing at volleyball tournaments.
Although every season has its pros and cons, spring is, by far, the most universally enjoyable. We all need desire and hope in our lives—even if it’s only the hope for a beautiful naked woman running down your street—because without hope human progress would slow to a halt. Spring is the most symbolically representative of that. The only season that even has a fighting chance at competing with spring is summer—and summer is only victorious if it meets your expectations.
—Josh Bereza
