Dear Di...
Dear Di,
I think that I really like my boss (by like, I mean like really like her). She’s only two years older than me, so that is not the problem. The problems are that I am a girl, and so is she; she has a boyfriend; and she’s my boss. I know that she’s into girls—we talked about it before—and I am pretty sure that her relationship with the bf isn’t really serious. I’ve just never told her how I felt and still feel about her. Do you think I should tell her? If so, how and when? It’s sooo complicated. Please help me! Thank you!
—Girl I Really Like Is Excellent
Dear GIRLIE,
There are a couple of factors in play here. The first is office politics. Consider the work-related risks if you tell your boss you’re into her, or if you two hook up and then have to face each other day in and day out. The second and more important factor is your boss’s existing relationship. You may be “pretty sure” that she’s not too strongly attached to her man, but a good rule of thumb when it comes to relationships is to assume nothing until you’re told, explicitly, to your face. In other words, don’t hold your breath. You also need to evaluate whether your attraction to her is purely sexual or more serious and emotional. If it’s the latter, back off until your boss is a free woman again (if ever). If it’s the former, you can test the waters by throwing out a few ambiguously flirty or suggestive remarks and gauging your boss’s response. Does she blush, reply with an equally flirty remark, or try to change the subject? Whatever you do, GIRLIE, don’t make a move until your boss is no longer your boss—there can be no legal consent between a person in a position of power (like your boss) and someone subject to that person’s power (like you). That means your boss could be charged with statutory rape. Like I always say: better safe than on trial!
Love, Di
Dear Di,
So I did something really bad last weekend: I slept with my friend’s boyfriend. I should add that I’m a guy and he’s straight. Do I tell my friend that I slept with her boyfriend or just file it as a drunken stupid event? HELP!
—Help! Admit My Man-Effing Dilemma?
Dear HAMMED,
Regardless of what you do or don’t tell your friend, you’re still going to have to file this one under “Events, Drunken and Stupid.” I’m a firm believer in honesty, no matter how brutal, gut-wrenching, or relationship-ruining it may be. What you need to tell your friend may be all of the above, HAMMED, but at least you’ve got a better chance of eventually patching things up than her boyfriend does. She’ll probably hate you for a while, but emphasize that you couldn’t handle being dishonest to her, even though you knew the information would hurt her. Tell her you understand if she wants a little distance from you for a while, and let her make her own decision regarding her apparently bi-curious boyfriend. Then all you can do is wait for the right time to send her a quick “How are you doing?” email—which may be a few months from now. And next time you’re about to sleep with a friend’s boyfriend, HAMMED, remember the terrible feeling of doom in the pit of your stomach you’re probably experiencing right now—and then get the hell out of there.
Love, Di
Dear readers,
I don’t know if it’s because the pressure of impending Valentine’s Day has been getting to you people or what, but lately I’ve been receiving a lot of questions regarding virginity: “How should I lose it? How can I make it less painful for myself? How can I make it less painful for her? How do I avoid looking like an idiot the first time we do it? How can I, a non-virgin, make my virgin partner’s time as pleasant as possible?” Rather than take up space with five different questions, I’m presenting you with Di Daniels’ All-Inclusive, Foolproof Guide to First-Time Fucking, for all your maidenhoodly needs. As I wrote to Questioning My Virginity and Sanity on Jan. 7, the first order of business is finding a suitable partner. Don’t go out looking specifically for the one you want to be your first-time fuck buddy; search instead for a respectful, trustworthy, and preferably hot guy or gal who suits your tastes. This could take weeks, months, or even years, so get comfortable, Impatient Irmas. Do you really want to have your v-card swiped by the cougar whose beer-goggle-enhanced Courtney Cox-esque good looks have morphed into Courtney Love-esque haggardness by the morning after? I sincerely hope not.
The next step involves a lot of oral communication—no, not that kind of oral—between you and your prospective partner. Obviously, each partner needs to know whether the other is a virgin or not, and what that entails in terms of comfort levels. Physical comfort is important too, especially for girls, so work up to penetrative sex over a few weeks of finger-fucking or dildo-diddling.
When the time to come finally comes, don’t expect much. Female first-timers will probably feel some pain as their hymen stretches, tears, or breaks, and male nookie-newbies likely won’t last long (the tightness of a virgin girl’s pussy probably won’t do even an experienced fucker any favours).
Regardless of how anti-climactic your climax might be, it’s still important to do it right (in more ways than one). Your first time will be special and memorable for all the right reasons—even if neither of you gets off the way you’d like.
The point of all of this is like ensuring your New Year’s Eve goes perfectly according to plan. The way you spend New Year’s Eve is the way you’ll spend the rest of the forthcoming year, so they say, and the same goes for how you approach your first time. Poor planning and impatience will, whether it’s your first or 500th time, unfailingly lead to pain and discomfort.
Love, Di
I just googled hot carl and got this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coprophilia
Dear IYHFF,
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=hot+carl
Love, Di
Dear Di,
I am a 25 year old female, who has strong sexual feelings for another female.
This female recently approached me about having a fling, and in the midst of our flirting, mentioned that she wanted to give me a "hot carl".
I was confused by this term, but I played along. Now I have no idea what I just agreed to. Any thoughts?
Ignorant Yet Horny Female Fox