Pee-pees and wee-wees 101
illustration by Alex Martin
NEVER TOOK AN anatomy course in university? Your parents successfully avoided “the talk” during your youth? Skipped sex ed in high school for a more hands-on learning experience? For all of you out there who can’t tell the difference between the vas deferens and a fallopian tube, this article is for you. Learn what all those oddly named organs are doing inside of you, and how—with a little help from the birds and the bees—they come together to make a baby.
Males have two main sex organs: the penis and the testes. While the penis just hangs there and looks pretty, the testes are busy making sperm and producing testosterone. Alongside each testis is a set of tightly coiled tubes called the epididymis—where immature sperm hang out and develop—that connects to the vas deferens, another set of tubes that will come in handy later. The testes and epididymis make up the scrotum, a sac that hangs outside of the male body and regulates the temperature of the sperm inside it—which must be a degree or two cooler than average body temperature for the sperm cells to develop properly. The penis has two parts: the shaft and the glans (the head of the penis), and is made up of soft, sponge-like tissue that can expand and contract.
Female sex organs are located within the body with the exception of the vulva, two sets of folded skin that cover the opening of the reproductive tract. The vagina is a muscular, hollow tube that extends from this opening to the uterus, connected by the cervix—a tiny muscular wall the size of a pin head. The uterus is another muscle-y organ, in the shape of an upside-down pear, designed to house a developing fetus during pregnancy. At the upper corners of the uterus, the fallopian tubes connect the uterus to the ovaries—the primary sex organ in women. Ovaries are responsible for making eggs and producing estrogen. Unlike men, who are capable of producing sperm continuously from puberty on, women are born with a limited number of eggs that are developed and released from puberty until menopause through the lovely—and not at all annoying or inconvenient—process of menstruation.
So what are all these tubes, muscles, and fluids doing while you’re getting your fuck on? Well, during intercourse, smooth muscles contract and propel mature sperm from the end segment of the epididymis to the vas deferens, where the sperm gets mixed with nutrient-rich fluids from the seminal vesicles and milky secretion from the prostate gland to make semen. When a guy is ready to blow his load, the spunk exits the penis through the urethra, a tube located along the shaft of the penis, and out a tiny opening at the end of the glans. At this point, a number of things can happen. The semen can end up in the tip of a condom, all over your sheets, or one of those sperm cells can meet up with the egg-of-the-month chilling in the fallopian tube and form an embryro through the process of fertilization. The fertilized egg then takes a trip the uterus, where it becomes implanted and develops in its lining for nine months or so.
And that, boys and girls, is how babies are made.
