Involuntary valentine
The top five all-time worst people to get gifts from
AH, VALENTINES DAY—a troublesome holiday that gives lovers and sweethearts one day a year to express their undying affection for one another. These days, Valentine’s Day gifts are not unique expressions of love. They can be given to anyone, by anyone, forcing some of us to learn the hard way that, sometimes, nothing really is better than something.
Your mom
As sweet as it is that your mom loves you, on a holiday dedicated to love and sex, she just can’t fulfill your Valentine’s needs.
Your creepy superintendent
No matter how innocent the gift, you have to live with the fact that this person knows where you sleep—and has the key to get in.
Your ex
Whether you are awkwardly receiving a gift meant to melt your long-lost heart, or just getting a box of what used to be your stuff torn, broken, or scorched into an unrecognizable mess, jilted exes and Valentine’s Day just don’t mix.
Your priest
There’s no worse way to celebrate the sexiest day of the year with a gift basket complete with a copy of the New Testament, some holy water, and a chastity belt.
Yourself
You can pretend it’s liberating all you want, but taking yourself out for dinner and a movie surrounded by couples engaging in excessive acts of PDA—feigned or not—is just plain depressing.
