Our letter to Santa
photo by Alex Martin
Dear Santa,
FIRST off, how are you? We understand you may be facing some citizenship issues as arctic sovereignty keeps cropping up as a subject of discussion among northern nations and the ice shrinkage problem in your area may soon lead to the relocation of you and your reindeers. Please know that you have our support and we’d be happy to help you lobby whichever government to ensure you are able to maintain your residence at the North Pole. In fact, I’m sure we could even ask the Student Federation of the University of Ottawa (SFUO) or even the Canadian Federation of Students (CFS) to help us launch a campaign to gather even more support for your cause. We’d be delighted to put together a pitch to the Campaigns Committee on your behalf.
If you’re curious to know, we here at the Fulcrum have been doing pretty well. We can’t believe we’ve already got 16 issues under our belt, and having worked straight through since the end of August we’re all very much looking forward to taking some time off to spend with friends and family (though it’ll likely turn out to be two weeks of being glued to our couches, eating SmartFood and Doritos, watching full seasons of 30 Rock straight through). Quite frankly, we can’t believe the holidays are almost here. But now that it’s December, Santa, it’s obviously the perfect time to be writing to you.
Ultimately, this letter is to inform you of our intentions to make a few requests. We have tried our hardest to be good girls and boys this year, and we feel that we deserve at least a little recognition for everything we’ve done. Don’t get us wrong, Santa, we’re not just asking selfishly for things that we would like here at the Fulcrum—we believe there are several things many in the University of Ottawa community deserve and we are seeking your generous help in granting some holiday wishes for lots of hardworking girls and boys on this campus.
We think it’s time for students to really rally behind the Gee-Gees, and Santa, the best way to get fans supporting our athletes is surely by giving us some wins. Not to say that we haven’t been grateful for how well several of our teams have done recently—hello, men’s basketball—but a pair of Capital Hoops Classic wins against the Carleton Ravens just a few weeks into the new year, for example, would be an incredible gift. We’re quite certain you’re a Gee-Gee at heart anyway, Santa, and would enjoy a Carleton defeat as much as we would.
Another Fulcrum wish that we believe is shared across this campus is the desire to see a fall reading week. Santa, we understand some students have been working very hard to get the university administration on board with such a plan, but to see it become a reality would be the ultimate present. It would keep students—and even professors!—in much brighter moods in the lead-up to the December holidays. And besides, what’s a better holiday gift than the gift of another holiday?
Santa, we would also like you to work your magic and talk to Maclean’s and the Globe and Mail about giving the U of O some better marks in their campus rankings next year. The best part about this kind of gift is that it would extend to the administration as well and spread happiness to all corners of this campus. To accomplish this, we may need a complete Food Services makeover and an entirely new menu for the central cafeteria, but we would certainly not be opposed to these potential endeavours.
And we only have one final request, Santa: we would really also like to ask you for a time machine so we could go back and convince the Carleton Graduate Students’ Association against submitting their referendum reforms motion to the CFS annual general meeting. That way, maybe we could have had a holiday gift of another CFS defederation referendum next year, instead of four years from now.
With much love and warm holiday wishes,
The Fulcrum
P.S.: We will make sure there are cookies and milk waiting for you at 631 King Edward Ave. on the night of Dec. 24.
editor@thefulcrum.ca
